Tuesday, August 31, 2010

ahh gahh

I kinda of okay really did just give up on the BEDA thing... ehh it got hard .

omg ...

that's what she said.

haha that just put me in a better mood. but overall i kind of got sick of some of the topics so next april is my second chance of BEDA (Blog every day in APRIL) haha and I think I can pull it off and am planning to make it more just daily blogging in general.

Blogging, I don't know why, but I'm actually really starting to enjoy doing for the fun of it and everything. It's very theraputic (spelling?? haha) and even though I know like no one reads it, it's not bad at all either. Hopefully soon means I'm a more avid poster. Hopefully or at least them times of the months cause seriously I've had so many desires to post lately and I was kinda stuck posting what the dang list said... ehh

but goodbye August! I TRIED! :D

Hogwarts train tomorrow! woot!

Gotta Get back to Hogwarts! less than 3 less than 3

Friday, August 27, 2010

Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day

I met you only once because you were in that video and I'm thankful for you being so completely awesome. Rest in Awesome Esther! You shall be missed.

Monday, August 16, 2010

Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country

this is hard. I don't know many well that's a lie but I don't have much to say to you. I feel like a stalker when I see what you've posted on facebook though. I love remember them old days when we were all in the same state though. Life was easier back then and the biggest argument we could get into back then was pokemon vs digimon. at the time pokemon always won.
At the same time, you guys were the people I began to experience the world of harry potter with and that will always remain with me.
I never cussed with you guys, because the worst we knew was shut up. We would run on the play sets, and play four square and teather ball and i miss them days but at the same time. I'm glad I left when I did because from what you guys have told me, life quickly got boring. and I think that I learned a lot more about life here even if i could have learned more from a book there.

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Day 15 — The person you miss the most

She probably won't read this. But I hate that you've kept yourself so busy with school I don't get to see you anymore.
and I really think that we should have hung out more this summer. But as it draws to a close, it just makes me miss that I didn't talk to you all summer long and now it's drawing to a close and you're going back to school soon...
I really don't like that I don't even hold convos with you via text anymore. It's not fair, yet I do understand you're busy but you don't even wanna hang out when you are free and it hurts.
But i'll do what I've been told and just let you come back when I'm needed because that is what friends do in the end.

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from

since we've drifted let's fix this. Let's hang out, let's skype, let's talk, because I don't want to lose you.
But while we are apart, you'll be on my mind.
People can never make you change.
But it is the people you bring close to your heart that molds us into the people we are.
nuff said, so let's fix it! :D

Friday, August 13, 2010

Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you

I'm sorry for the pain I've caused you.
I'm sorry for the problems I've created and I hope that one day you'll forgive me enough that we could be civil. and after my post of the person who's truly hurt me, I can't say that you'll completely forgive me.
but I do hope I didn't hurt you as much as that one person hurt me.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain

first off, fuck you.
second. go to hell
third I forgive you because I want to be over you. I want to be done with you so much it's crazy. When my mind is not focused, you still have control over mind mind and I don't know why but I don't want it there in your hands. you shouldn't be allowed to have it and I hate that you still do. Seriously, I forgive you already so that I can take back me.
I hate that I end up checking your facebook hoping that you're hurting, hoping karma finally got your ass cause you've hurt me so much.
I hate that you think you're perfect, that you're just, that you think you can continue to do this to other people
I hate that you become someone I despise so much, I let you into my life thinking you were never gonna do something like this and you did.
I hate that you are such a hypocrite and people don't see it.
I hate that you got me to dislike other people because I was trying to be supportive.
I hate all the days that I tried to support you and you never did the same
I hate that you even have friends. I don't think you deserve them
I hate how people think that one day it will be okay.
that might be the case, but deep down I won't ever forgive you. Deep down I will NEVER trust you again. that boat has sailed and left
I hate that you feel justified in what you did.
I hate that I have to be the bigger person
I hate that I don't have the guts to go in front of your face and tell you exactly how I feel with every ounce of my body
I hate that you'll never feel the pain I feel against you
I hate that I was ever kind to you
I hate that I ever accepted any of your offers.
I hate that I pretended to be okay with you for more than a week while you were more than okay to say everything about me you didn't.
I hate that you always say you wish you weren't what you were.
I hate that you gotta try to be something you're not
I hate that you tried to change your style to fit in
I hate that I let you hinder my performance in school.
I hate that you complain about so many stupid little things.


but most of all,
I'll never read that letter you sent me, do you remember the letter? it was a response to me for mine. there are many times I think about reading it but the truth is and was I won't and never will. I don't ever plan to. If I do, someone else will read it first and then I will but until then don't count on it.

I don't ever count of being friends with you again and one day I will just delete you.
You never helped me succeed and if anything only brought me down.
So fuck you. Have a nice life and I wish for you nothing.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Day 11

I really don't want to type this.
But for you grandpa I will.
I have to say sorry first. Because I seem to always forget until that time of year comes when I begin to feel bad that I haven't thought about you in a while. I don't like to think that you're gone, even if it's a better place because it's hard. and to tell you the truth, death scares the crap out of me... like I'm not even going to go there but still.
and even thought I don't think of you much, I miss you more than ever. especially when I do start to think about you. It hurts to think that you're gone and it's hard to realize that you've been gone for more than 7 years now. you were the first person that I was close to that left and I'm glad that I haven't had a lot of losses like many other people.
there are days though, that you just pop into mind and I think wow you've been gone so long and in the end I just hope that you are proud of who I've become so far in life.
See already crying as I try to complete this. It's hard. I just think of all the things back then and I miss you more and more, especially when I think of how you never really got to meet alex or romeo or lea. but to see you again one day I sure do hope and take care of grandpa willie on his way there to be with you.

I love you and miss you.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to

Someone I don't talk to as much as I'd like is probably all the people I lost contact with during my moves.
I really wish sometimes that I kept in touch. Even though back in the day it was hard. Internet was still new, phones were still only at home and having a cell phone was like carrying a really light brick. You can sure say that times have changed. But even the kids that I had met in Virginia, I really wish that still would talk to you guys more often. I see you on facebook all the time, but that's where it ends. I view your pictures and see your status updates but in the end our friendship hasn't changed since I didn't see you again on facebook. I really wish we could have kept closer touch where it wasn't awkward to comment on your random posts or what not but what has been done has been done and at least I have the past to remember all the good times we had back then.

Monday, August 9, 2010

Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet

This is a hard one because there are so many many people I would love to meet.
But I think right now I really wanna meet Tom Felton.
Why you may ask now.
Well because of Twitter, I think he's pretty damn amazing.
He's got a heart of gold and even though he's a big actor now, he's still so down to earth in his twitter posts and always seems to be about the fans. and let's not forget that he sings and writes his own music, that I think is pretty damn good. Man, this boy is just amazing in my mind. He blows me away at just how he is still so down to earth and man I want a boyfriend like him lol

gahh that's what I get for following his tweets! haha

Sunday, August 8, 2010

Day 8 - Your favorite internet friend

I don't really have an internet friend. Wow these last two posts are just pretty sad when you think about it.
But to any future internet friends. hello and I'm glad to have you as a friend online! :D

lame sauce I know. :/

Saturday, August 7, 2010

Day 7 - Ex

to you -

thanks a lot.


I don't have much for this so kind of why I sat on this for so long and I didn't want to post out of order... but here you go. I guess.

Friday, August 6, 2010

Day 6 — A stranger

To a stranger:

Hello and i have no ideas what really to write here. LAME SAUCE!
to a stranger in the world, I hope your life is well and you've been blessed with good people. If you haven't, go find them because there are so many of them out in the world.
As I think about it, when I first meet anyone, they're all strangers. Even people I've known for years can be strangers deep down.
Think about it. I mean, how much do we really know about a close friend. We're not always friends with all the same people. We don't know their habits at home, how they go about making dinner, cleaning, doing laundry. Unless we live with them and overtime, true personalities come out. True colors
I mean at school you talk to people between certain hours and to get to know them is to be with them 24/7 and even then a friend could become a stranger.
Makes me wonder who really are these people I feel like I need to keep close. But at the same time, I don't want to know everything about you there stranger. Because one if i did I'd feel like a stalker and I think some things are just ment to keep personal and be private, unless you admit it to me.
Man this can so quickly turn into a rant right about now... haha
so I'll end here and hope that you, stranger, will be someone more than that one day.

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Day 5 - Your dreams

i like how this one came out. the pictures i mean...

To my dearest dreams,

Some are far some are so near I can almost get you.
but this one will be short because I don't have much to say to you other than you keep me motivated to keep going. You make me stronger when I fail at you, and I fail and many but I've always managed to find something new, something I wouldn't have gotten without my fails.
Dreams will always remain in my head, as delusional as some maybe.
and to you weird odd dreams that I end up pondering for days on end, if i can manage to remember them that long in advance, why do you come without make any sense?
Sometimes I wonder are you just fears or my crazy mind running the show again?

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Day 4 - Siblings

ah, sibling day.

you two can be such a pain but at the same time life wouldn't be the same without you.

while I'd rather you guys not be there half the time. you're still family. I'm the hardest on you because I expect better from both of you. I don't want you to become someone i hate or disliked in school and hope to keep you away from these same people.

Being the oldest, I find it's more important to try to keep you from these people and keep you guys to become something great.

while I may not show it much, I love you both.

just don't be copying everything I do.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Day 3 - Parents

To my Parents:

Thank you for 19 years. 19 years that you've supported me and helped me grow.
It wasn't always fun. Many times still isn't. But thank you for it none-the-less.
You've given me things that I wanted and still do.
Thank you for helping me survive and even being someone to talk to. It's amazing how much you guys have done, how much you have given up to give me and the buggers just an amazing place to grow.
Even if you moved me around a lot, I've learned a lot - from you and from helping me each step of the way through life.
What I'm most thankful for, is that you've given me freedom that many parents don't give. The freedom to just be me, to tell you everything and pushing me forward in life in the worst of times. and that freedom hasn't only let me tell you guys more than any normal teenager would, but has made me more mature and ready for the world.
While I'm you're first and the one you're expected to mess up on, I think you guys did a pretty good job.
I love you.

Monday, August 2, 2010

Day 2 — Your Crush

to my crush:

I admire you from afar. I think you're amazing and I want to get close to you.
but I have to admit, it's hard to let on. You seem so much cooler and so different. If you want to know the truth, I wasn't looking for anyone and then one day you where there.
And you were just so nice, for once it didn't seem like I needed to prove you how smart I was, but at the same time. I doubt you were looking at me the same. It scared me that little fact.
How was I to know if I was liked the same way back.
And if you didn't, i wanted at least your friendship.
I was so confused. I still don't understand my full feelings for you. Days where I like you more and more and then other times I feel like it's a lost cause.
I've never seemed to have any feelings like this for someone else before I must admit.
and it's so hard to admit I like you.
So while you live your life, I live mine and I just hope that one day something happens.

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Day 1 — Your Best Friend

To my best friend(s):

How do I even begin to create a post about you. You're one of them people that can make me smile in the darkest of times and help me through every day. While there are days that I won't see you and can be weeks apart when we last talked, the second I'm down, I know I can count on you to be there for me. and I hope you know that if you have a bad day, don't be afraid to come back to me.
There are hundreds of quotes about a best friend on how they forgive you for what you've done wrong, but I think a best friend is someone who doesn't care about what you've done wrong. They look past it and say they're my friend and I'll be there in right and wrong.

A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.

this is a quote i think represents you so well. It times where everyone else gives up on you or doesn't come to comfort you says not only a lot about a person but a lot about how good of a friend they are. This is something that I've become so familiar this past year and in the end thank you for everything.

I say that all the time in blog posts and what not but really I have no new words for you as my best friend. Why? because there aren't any words to tell you just how important to me you are.

with all my love ♥