I'm glad it's over. It was not only an academically hard year, at least winter and spring quarter, but the drama was ridiculous and completely stupid and unneeded.
First quarter I am thankful for having met some pretty amazing people from learning community who then kept me sane from the day we all somehow grew close until I was finally able to leave the issues of the dorms. They really did help keep me in check, keep me from going nuts bottling everything up and kept me on track.
Dorm life began as fun until I realized there were just certain personalities I did not like and were unattractive to me. I'm sad to say I probably fell for about 50% of all the crap given to me until all of a sudden I was forced to seem like the "bad guy" because I wasn't "signing out" that I was going home when my mom was taking me. Sounds kind of stupid that I would have to tell anyone I was going home in the first place because 1. I was legally an adult. 2. they weren't taking me home or responsible for me in any way. 3. If you wanted to know, ask and I did pack the night before, ALWAYS.
but whatever I put that past me, or at least I try. What I think most of them don't realize is that going into college, I brought down as many walls as I could myself. I wanted to be more open to people and new experiences. The walls were then pushed back up not because I wanted them to but because I realized if they wanted to get to know the real me, they would come to me and break them down themselves. I didn't need to be someone I wasn't, I didn't do that in high school and wasn't going to start now. But knowing I waisted so much time only getting to know the hall, in the end I regret it. I feel like I really should have reached out more to other people, I did and tried and met lots of amazing people I'll explain shortly but spending a quarter only getting to know my hall to only learn that I couldn't 100% trust them like friends I really thought they would be.
And it's hard for me to let go. I want to look at them the same way, I want to be a friend again, I want to give them a second chance. But I don't want to get hurt and I won't let myself get hurt by the same people twice. If I do, I'd be stupid.
and along with all that I lost $200 because of student housing. so I had to cancel my contract due to problems with roommate situation (nuff said) and to even try to find another apartment in UCR student housing you had to cancel your first contract. When you CANCEL, you FORFEIT the $200 DEPOSIT! once you do, they can look to find you a new place. but the SIGN FOR THE NEW PLACE = $200 DOWN PAYMENT...
see where this takes me. yup would lead to $400 down the drain. so I went elsewhere but as I told people they only believed that the $200 was transferable. I really wonder why.... not.
Enough about them.
Amazing people there few in between but I found a pretty good bunch. Just words cannot replace my feelings for how these people made my school year not hell. from my neighbors across the way on A3, Gisele and Robin. Amazing amazing people who were more than welcoming to me and I only got to know them after I approached Gisele at the Hub. Amazing!
B1 people were funny and enjoyable and so much better. I didn't get to know them as well but I enjoyed every minute with them because well one they were guys and laughed in the face of drama!! :D
My engineering buddies. amazing people. at times annoying but chris's hello world rants, to mitchell's butt hurt ness to kevin and justin's gaming adventures and courtney giving me coffee and addie's glen stories and mike's crazy downloading and personal t-shirts. just amazing people I was so glad to have met. and I cannot wait to see what happens next year with them.
Katipunan: thank you for being so welcoming and even though I barley went to meetings taught me so much about my culture and really was amazing. Marissa thank you for making me go to stuff and keeping me informed.
And my visitors:
Lori & Layne. good times and nuff said. lol came down so many times to hang out it was amazing. and I love you guys for taking the time to drive down, even if it was to escape Torrance.
Tammy and Trisha: I loved our shopping trip. It made my month. it was just so much fun and I wish i told you more about the drama that was happening because sometimes your advice tammy is blunt and may have helped but I had to learn. but the squid now that was interesting haha
Riju: last minute but it was good. it was like old times again, sitting in stats 2nd period with jlao out and you mean and adam just hanging out only with more stories and new adventures in our back pockets to spill about and for once i didn't feel as stupid! :D
Isabel: you became a rock for me. amazing. you don't know how much you really really helped me through everything and I'm glad I didn't write you off when you barked at me and I'm really glad I put my nose where it shouldn't have been and visited you when I heard about what happened about housing. Thank you for keeping me posted on what was going on in your life to get me away from mine and supporting me through hell.
Julie: you're beautiful and you will find your man I promise you but in the mean time. thank you for taking me away and surprising me and keeping me sane and having someone to talk to that just understood. you didn't need to share your bed and you did and I owe you so much for just that one night.
Marissa: I loved our lunches. and finally getting to know you better without having to think about housing next year and drama, thank goodness you knew what I was going through because of all the negative thought people had put in my mind at times I'd think wow, this girl is going nuts but in the end you held your head up high and were a better person that I gave you credit for at first and I'm glad you blew me away.
Christine: My lovely lovely lovely lovely christine! I love you like a drug addict love them drugs cause you kept me sane just by a small hello and you kept me studying and got me to study and helped me realize what I missed. I'm glad you had markers that night and you reminded me about other things and good times and you're someone I will always treasure.
Michael: You crazy and Im going to miss you as you would tease christine and what not but I now you're on to SO MUCH BETTER.
Meghan: girl you crazy and amazing and so glad you were my neighbor!
Janel: THANK YOU for taking me places I needed to go to, and even just to get food! you, i judged so quickly and I regret every second of that. I'll never do that again and you taught me that. You proved me wrong in so many ways.
First year was bumpy and came with surprises and while someone told me "it only takes one person to ruin an entire year" but I won't let that one person ruin my entire freshmen year because while part of me blames myself for a lot of it. I have come to terms that I had to do some growing but I can't blame just myself. I also would like to say that you should be glad I'm as strong as I am because you could have killed with what you did this year. if you had someone just weak enough, they could break and you'd be the reason they killed themselves.
I'm trying to turn a new leaf and as I wrap up this year. I'm putting the bad behinds, bring the lessons forward and I'm going to try to move on. starting now. I'm bringing closer the people who keep me sane and keep me going. and many of them where from North and it makes me proud to say I was a north high graduate because there are so many of them that are just truly amazing people who might not have told me ahead of time what I was probably getting into, but still where there for me when it counted. While maybe one day they'll be a part of my life again, I doubt it would ever be the same. “Trust is like a vase.. once it's broken, though you can fix it the vase will never be same again.”
For my new friends, my new real friends thank you for every ounce of yourself you gave me and told me and let me in on. I hope to make some amazing new memories with you next year! :D
including Glee and COD and maybe a party for once?!?
Sorry for no pictures and just blocks of words. but
That's a wrap.